I've recently come to realize that freedom of choice is over-rated, that you can't always trust adults to be the ones most qualified to make decisions regarding their lives. More often than not, the right thing to do is not just to be there for those you care about, but to occasionally be their decision-maker.
In general I tend to shy away from telling people what to do, or assuming I have the right to decide for them, or even to provide more than a take-it-or-leave-it advice. Even with my kids, I tend to find myself unable at times to tell them what to do; to order them, assuming that they are old enough to see right and wrong and to act upon it. I assumed that one's job is to be supportive of those she cares about, but I know now, rather late in life, that being supportive doesn't mean you allow those you care about to make decisions that might be harmful to them, or ones they might regret later on. There's nothing wrong with interferring with your loved ones' decisions, telling them what they should and/or shouldn't do, stopping them from doing or attempting to do something that might backfire later on.
I hope this isn't just talk and I actually find it in me to take a more active role in my loved ones' lives.
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9 comments:
well, regarding the kids its your duty as a parent (adult)to advice them and show them what is right and whats wrong,whats good and whats bad.But to advice another adult it depends on the person acceptance of your judgement though it shows how much you care
Hmmm, I don't think there is such a thing that could be regarded as a 'right decision', but there are well-timed decisions, or lucky/unlucky decisions.
Anyhow, suggestions or advices are given to make the decision-making process much more easier, and not to convert it into a frustrating dilemma.
So it is better to assess the situation of our loved ones and their decision-making abilities before giving them our 2 pence - What's the point of giving a close friend a sound advice knowing that she is so indecisive that my advice would complicate things instead of resolving them? And why would I advice a friend to do something knowing that she will come back to me and say 'kella minich' when things don't work out as I have anticipated?
You can't always protect your loved ones.
Life has its inevitable ugly face.
I hope this isn't about me.
yeah is it about her?
Hanan
If it is about Shurouq, then do it girl, pull her hair :)
No, seriously, I do believe in interfering in the decision making of your loved ones and not just giving advice. It depends on what is the right decision though, as Shosho said. So the best bet is to discuss it with them thoroughly and one has to convince the other. And the way to present your opinion is also important. If you sound imposing, then you are taking the wrong approach. But when you discuss the matter indirectly and make him/her reach that conclusion by him/herself, then your chances of success is much higher.
I agree that it's important to be more active and to give advise as long as you don't smother them and it back fires...sometimes there are life lessons that people need to learn on their own...and sometimes people involved see something that you don't see...I always give advise but in the end I know that they'll end up doing exactly what they want...in most cases I'd be right and they'll come back and tell me...other times..they survive and everything is honky dory...so all one can do is express what is in his heart and then let life take it from there..
it's good to let them know how well you know them and know that this is why you see it's best for them not because you just happen to be older therefore you know more, it depends on the issue I guess and on how well or close you and the person are, I try to give advices to the ones I truely care about and love and on top of all know, I wouldn't want them to regret or get hurt.
i would appreciate an advice from you & love to hear it, it shows how much you care even if i didn't take it as a decision-maker. it might somehow -maybe later- affect my decisions in a good way.
You don't have to "order" or "decide" for them; a simple advice could help them put things they haven't considered into prospective and allow for better evaluation.
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